


A Guest That Comes At Night

by cupcakefingers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Ghosts, Guilt, Irondad, It's romance if you want it to be, M/M, Night Terrors, POV First Person, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 18:19:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16023383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupcakefingers/pseuds/cupcakefingers
Summary: Tony cannot cope with what happened on Titan and his night terrors get worse.





	A Guest That Comes At Night

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fanfiction and I know it won't be great, but I hope you'll like it! Please keep in mind that English is not my first language and I don't have a beta, so there might be some grammar mistakes, sorry for that.
> 
> It's Tony's First Person POV, the relationship can be either romantic or platonic - it's up to the Reader.

I know you're here.  
  
  
I can see you, standing in the corner of my room. I don't have to actually look at you, but I can't stop myself. I just have to see your tiny frame against high walls. Pepper will never acknowledge your existence, only I can feel your presence. She'll stay asleep through the whole visit, like every other time you came to me. Her soft breathing will give a rhythm to our meeting.  
  
  
Only I can feel you. We took whatever was left of Vision's body and checked every part of it for any trace of life. We found nothing like that, but we did find a recording of his whole life; he was a machine after all. "I only feel you", that's what he said to Wanda. I think I know what they meant by that statement.  
  
  
Why are you here? Why do you keep coming?  
  
  
I know you won't answer, I think you're here to haunt me. Maybe you're my conscience. Maybe my mind puts you in this room to punish me.  
  
  
_For what?_  
  
  
I can't hear your voice, you talk to me through the wind behind the windows and through creaks of the wooden floor.  
  
  
It's because I found you, is it not? I stomped into your life with my dirty boots, took you into a battle that you knew nothing about. You were just a kid that followed hero worship, I gave you expensive toys and expected you to help me fight. Isn't that pathetic?  
  
  
My heart stopped when I saw that passage fall on you, when I saw Steve making it happen. I can forgive him many things, but not this. He didn't know about your strength, not to this level. I knew and my stomach still flipped, and I felt a cold shiver going down my spine. When you were out of it for a moment, I felt my heart disappear and my lungs went out of the air. Even then I couldn't believe that I let it happen, that I put you in danger.  
  
  
It's my fault, isn't it? If we haven't met, then you wouldn't even be here. You would've probably still disappeared, but I wouldn't see you right now. My brain wouldn't make me feel everything about you.  
  
  
I sit on my bed, trying to make as little noise as possible. Pepper won't see you, but if she wakes up, you'll be gone. At least until tomorrow night. My eyes hurt from the lack of sleep, but I still try not to blink. Every time I close my eyes, I'm afraid that you'll go away.  
  
  
It should be hard to look at you and it was, at first. At first, you gave me a panic attack, one of the hardest I ever had. I started hyperventilating, shaking, I dropped to my knees, thought I'm going to die, that my heart will explode or just... break.  
  
  
I can hear you again, you're walking towards me with slow, heavy steps. The floor is creaking so loudly that I think my eardrums will pop. I can't bear myself to focus my gaze at your feet. I'm terrified that I'll find only dusty shadows, so I concentrate on your face.  
  
  
At first, it's blurry, I can't even make out if you have a nose or single out your eyes, it's like a canvas with lights and darks smeared on it. At one point, just for a moment, my mind tries to play tricks on me and puts a horrible, disfigured face of a demon on you. But I know you won't hurt me... and I learned not to be afraid of you, to accept you. Embrace your presence. Your face change.  
  
  
You sit right beside me, you're finally with me, where you should always be. I know that us meeting was a mistake, but I'm too selfish to not want you here. Now. Ever.  
  
  
I cannot contain myself, I'm filled with want, just to hold you again.  
  
  
" _We're not there yet."_  
  
  
We were always there.  
  
  
_We were there when I died._  
  
  
My heart stings painfully; you disappear and in a blink, you're standing before me.  
  
  
I remember your eyes. Those big, brown doe-eyes, always looking at me like a puppy wanting approval. Now your eyes are even bigger, but dull, without the living shine, looking not at me, but through me. Your gaze sends a slimy feeling all over my body.  
  
  
I raise my fingers to your palm, slowly, not wanting to scare you. Your hands are cold.  
  
  
One side of me wants to give you warmth, all of it, all that I can give; the other is afraid that you'll just break. And you do. At first, they are just little cracks in your smooth skin, then it starts to look ashen and grainy. There's no way to stop this, I can only watch patches of you coming away from your hand.  
  
  
You tell me to touch it and I do. You're breaking down in layers, like a sand statue and I know I can't do anything about it. You're falling through my fingers onto my lap. The particles are so small and delicate that they almost feel like nothing, weight like nothing, but to me they are everything and I feel every little bit of you, heavy and sad, and... mourned.  
  
  
You tell me to press my lips against it like I did when you went away. And I do. Suddenly my mouth is full of dust and I'm choking on it. It gets inside my lungs, burning, sticking to my throat, grinding between my teeth, drying my tongue. I can't breathe and a thought stings my head. Maybe you're taking me with you. And just for a split second... I feel joy.  
  
  
But then a slim hand appears on my shoulder, squeezing tightly. A feminine voice is speaking to me, but I don't care what she's saying. Heavy tears fall down my cheeks.  
  
  
Because there is no dust in my mouth. And you are gone. Again.

**Author's Note:**

> So. That was depressing.  
> Please tell me your opinion, I'll accept all criticism and all comments mean so much to me <3


End file.
